LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER

“ Oh, we’ve got to hold on, ready or not
You live for the fight when it’s all that you’ve got
Woah, we’re half way there
Woah, livin’ on a prayer”

BON JOVI

Granted — this song really isn’t about COVID but seriously I feel like it speaks to the lives of so many Kenyans! For those of you who have read my pieces before you will know that all my writing is inspired by music. I have to say that I was never a big believer in the Universe answering my thoughts, wishes or prayers. I would send them out — half-heartedly not quite believing they would be heard, let alone be fulfilled.

I came back from a healing retreat to a world completely changed and shifted. The murmurings of COVID a mere mumble at the time and no real frenzy had ensued. I checked out for 6 days. I came back and well for lack of better words — the world was a shit show. Just a few of the things I started to hear; stock pile on toilet paper (still don’t understand that), buy all the food and booze for a potential lock down, fuel your cars, increase your security at home and work, start downloading educational sites for your kids continued learning, buy more toilet paper, buy items that won’t go bad in the fridges, canned goods is the way to go, wear disposable gloves everywhere, actually just buy a bigger freezer, don’t buy seafood, buy more toilet paper…. The list was endless.

Beneath all those words was one — only one — FEAR. The world had leaned into fear in a big way. This wasn’t even when the world believed that they would catch the virus. This was in response to governments world over starting to try and make decisions to keep the virus at bay. For family and friends that weren’t in their home country — plans were made to get them out on flights so they could quarantine at home. Then the conversations escalated to “social/physical distancing” as the most assured way of protection from infection. Hashtags like #stayhome have probably trended as long as “Percy Jackson & the Olympians” did on the NY Times best seller list (287 weeks BTW). The fear was palpable. Every one of those fears in my view — valid.

So, I came back from this healing space so well resourced to not lean into the fear and try as I could to hold space for my loved ones who were really struggling. A part of that was making sure that Carrefour’s Kenya sales would soar on account of my bulk shopping trips. I came back that day and felt physically sick. Fear had kicked in. For the thousands of Kenyan’s that would no doubt die of starvation long before the virus had even reached the perimeter of their slum dwellings. I asked the universe that very day — send me something that will help me help others. The magical universe answered — I got a text message from my mum the very next day- it was called “Save a fellow Kenyan” with details on how to sponsor a food hamper for the Kenyan communities. There were 3 phone numbers on the list you could call. I called the first one of a man named Pankaj Shah.

I had never heard of him, met him, known about him — I reached out to ask how I could help and it was clear that funds were needed to purchase the goods required to feed thousands upon thousands. I sent an email out to my Kenyan mates asking them if they wanted to participate and to Mpesa me whatever they wanted to donate so I could forward it to Pankaj. My prayers had been realized, and I could do what I always do — help from the comfort of my 300 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. As I waited for my Mpesa to fill up — I got calls and messages from people who knew Pankaj and wanted to know how legitimate his operation was. I realized I had no clue. I didn’t know this man — we had one brief conversation over the phone and I was asking my people, my tribe, my family to just hand over thousands of shillings with no due diligence on my part. Again- I asked the universe for help — it responded! I saw a video of a place that was so familiar to me — it was my children’s kindergarten! Boxes were lined along what used to be their football pitch- with dozens of people filling them with food items for distribution and I recognized a few familiar faces and realized that there was a connection to Pankaj here. I called and asked him if he needed help with the actual packing of boxes and well within 10 minutes (the gratitude of no Nairobi traffic) I pulled up at the place that held such beautiful memories for both myself and my kids. The universe doesn’t fuck around — when it answers your wishes it makes sure you think about the lack of coincidence! I mean my kids kindergarten????

I walked in and met Pankaj. This man who had single-handedly decided that this was his calling. This this is what he needed to do. Every sliver of doubt I may have had dissolved in the first few seconds of watching him surrounded by thousands of bags of Ugali, boxes upon boxes of milk, cooking fat, sweets, drinking chocolate, vegetables, rice, salt, sugar, tea — it just went on and on and on. I put on my gloves and got to work. His phone rang constantly and amid the absolute chaos he was a logistical god. Getting more and more supplies to deliver.

It’s been around 3 and half weeks and I can’t help but feel that the universe has had my back!. Coming off a healing retreat having battled my depression and anxiety demons — I needed purpose to hold onto the ‘high’ of my teachings. Having a meditation practice is recommended. Let me tell you — packing 100 tonnes of chickpeas is meditative. The tonnage is probably wrong but the need for exaggeration is not. Using plastic jugs to decant gunia’s of chickpeas to ensure that protein becomes a staple in Kenyan’s diet’s is nothing short of meditation. I think it’s the act of being so present in the moment, realizing that each one of those bags that you pour into will fuel a family for 2 weeks. If that isn’t meditation — I don’t know what is.

“Team Pankaj” — is a hashtag that will rival the NY times best seller list by way more weeks — and let me tell you just of the few reasons why I know this to be true;

The group of volunteers who show up every day have heart and humour. They know how to get shit done and slip into roles that need to be fulfilled without being asked. They role up their sleeves and get to work. Hard work of heavy lifting, repetitive work of packing cartons upon cartons of food supplies. There is no ego here. There is nothing that any of us won’t do. And it makes me think of one of the best taglines Kenya ever had produced by East African Breweries “Tusker — has no equal, makes us equal.” This team has no equal and therefore makes us all equal. We come from all walks of life, all ages, all races, all tribes, all socio-economic classes and the thing that binds us all — the Kenyan National Anthem that has become our prayer daily as we work. Every few hours the team comes to standstill and sings our anthem for this nation, for our people, for our Kenya because Team Pankaj is Kenyan at heart.

The donors — individual and corporate who have no idea what an incredible thing they have done. They haven’t seen the fruits of their financial labour at work. What might have seemed like something small that you could give, or something big that you had to jump through many layers of financial risk to approve — you saved a Kenyan life. All of you. One by one and all together. You ensured that each of the Mwananchi who hustle day-t0-day to feed their families had one less thing to worry about. They could have full stomachs that would allow them to think strategically about their next hustle and more over you gave them something priceless — HOPE.

MLC — the “pack-house” that has housed all of this — the Karmic energy that will no doubt be felt by all the children who attend this kindergarten when it re opens its doors — is unequivocally what will raise these children to be the future of Kenya’s best. Our energy will pervade their souls on a cellular level so they know that what started as the beginning of their education will continue to be ours. The awakening of the universe -will be felt by the Team Pankaj energy.

Pankaj — your story will continue to be told wide and far but by far the story of you that I hold in my heart is one of pure resilience. There is no other word to describe you. When you didn’t think you would have enough volunteers to pack, they came. When you thought you may be closed down by interventions beyond your control, you stayed open and within the laws. When you needed masks for your team, they came. When you needed PPE gear to walk the slums to ensure safety, they arrived. When you needed more funds, they came. When you needed trucks to distribute, they parked at your doorstep. When the rains poured down over your pack house, you needed pallets — they came. The reason I know this all happened? Why it seemed to just fall into place? Your resilience and your faith in God.

I don’t know the Pankaj you know — he might be your family, your friend, your foe, your business partner, your employer — for me — a woman who has battled with so much darkness — he has allowed me to realise that my inner strength still burns bright, he has shown me that by showing up I can’t be anything but my best, he has shown me that I can evolve and still be relevant, he has helped me to realise that by pouring chickpeas jug by jug, that I will always have purpose in this chaotic world if I just believe enough in myself. This is the prayer he has given me and well — I guess I am gonna keep livin’ on this prayer!