THANK YOU

“ I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life”

DIDO– THANK YOU

EEEEEEKKK!! I did it! I published a blog a couple of days ago. My hand hovered the publish button for so long, the fear taking over, and let me just say, I love myself for not giving in to it. The overwhelming responses I have received of love, of kindness, of honesty, of similarity, of music, of lyrics — is way beyond what I could have hoped for. Putting yourself out there and being truly vulnerable and channeling your inner Brene Brown is bloody hard to do.

I love how so many of you shared so privately with me your own struggle and this was always my hope. For you to know unequivocally that you are not alone. I have put on the same masks, I have played into the role that was required for the occasion — whilst inside — I was dying. It was all pretense. It was just what I needed to do to get by. That make-up helped me play a part, it helped me to morph myself into someone else completely. It allowed me to be accepted by my community, my society, my family, my friends, my tribe. I knew deep down that I was being inauthentic. It didn’t feel like me.

I would be accepted though? I would be liked right? No need to showcase my darkness, my true self. There is enough shit in the world and everyone has their own set of shit, so why dump mine on them? So- let’s do it together — let’s rip off the layers of make-up, and look at one another with love, with kindness, and a true love for the real you — you want this? I am here. I will be here for whatever you need. I promise to hear you, to see you, to feel you and most of all be open to you — the real you.

For those of you who think no one reads facebook posts anymore, I beg to differ. People that I haven’t heard from in years, took the time. Can I just tell you how incredibly grateful I am for you all? With all the information that pops up on all our multitude of social media sites, you paused for 6 minutes to read something I wrote?!! I don’t know what flowed in each and every one of you to hover long enough but please know how incredibly grateful I am to each and every one of you. Your likes, comments, messages — they mean something to me. You — yes you — you made me feel seen and that is something precious.

I have been immersed these last few weeks in the world of Dr Shefali, Brene Brown, Jay Shetty and that one clear message of vulnerability spoke volumes to me. I have had these posts sitting on my computer for months now — too afraid of the judgement, too afraid of what people will say, too afraid of being called weak. Thank you — all of you — for making me realise that my vulnerability in this moment is worth it. It is worth it for me.

I have always loved story-telling. I love hearing them, I love telling them, I love reading them — and I realise that it really is the best way to communicate with yourself. Writing my stories has been cathartic. It has provided me much healing, and by sharing — yes there is a sense of wanting to be liked, but more-over — if my stories help even one person think “I just didn’t see it that way before.” Or “OMG! I get it — I feel that way too!”– I would consider myself truly blessed.

We all see the world through our own lens and to be able to be open enough to share ourselves, truly, with love — it is sacred. You have all formed part of this sacred circle for me. Gratitude is exuding from me at a truly cellular level. Putting myself out there has been a long, arduous table tennis battle in my mind. Sharing what’s in my heart. Why would people even care?

Yes, mental health seems to be on trend at the moment, it isn’t why I chose it as my first post. It’s because it was where I was at and was the first thing I wrote as my tears of joy ran down my face; with the realization that I was breaking away from it. It was singing “Rise” by Gabrielle at the top of my lungs until my voice got so hoarse. Because I believe, truly that this part of my journey will not be my full story. I will be a part of it. I own it. It owns me — but it will never break me. It will try, it will keep persevering, but it has no idea the power that stands behind me — all of YOU!

THANK YOU — from the bottom of my soul for taking the time to see me, hear me, feel me and reach out to me. Much love.